Have you ever looked at your own immage in a mirror for so long that it starts to freak you out. The eyes looking back at you are slightly out of sync with your own thoughts. When I was a kid I would scare myself by doing this, just for shits and giggles.
I went climbing this evening, it was pretty depressing really because I feel like I was not climbing that well at all - it's hard to guage but my technique is pretty shitty at the moment and I'm just not strong enough. Unfortunately with the current job and being out of the house for over 12 hours every day it can be hard to train properly. My number one aim for the next quarter has got fuck all to do with KPI's and targets. All I want to achieve is a job that allows me to spend more time training or at home. At the moment I am only seeing my girlfriend every other night because of work and climbing. It's pointless too because I could do my job in far less time - but that's just not the way things are done. I spend hours each day killing time and waiting for the earliest opportunity to leave without creating a scene.
Not to worry though because on Thursday morning I'm meeting with Dan to take the all day train up to Fort William to climb for 4 days in the snow. Apparently the conditions are looking pretty good and there is a lot of ice around. Fingers crossed.
I like to climb hard in snow and ice. It helps me to forget just how pathetic day to day life really is. I become the real me. Not the lame excuse for a man that I consider myself to be in the city. I like to feel alive, out in the cold when anything could happen. That's where I feel at peace with myself, like I get to be the real me.
And so to bed, I have to endure one more day of the city me and then I'm away. I can barely contain myself for that short time. Goodnight.x